Articles with puns in the title, makes a reader 36% more likely to read more than 3/4s of the article. I made that up but it sounds cool
Title: Wanted
Info: Wikipedia
Trailer: Apple
Why It Sucked: The movie kinda lost sight of the comic, the best part of the movie is where they basically went word for word with the original (basically the first 45 minutes) but after that they seemed to mix up the message. In the Comic, Wesley goes from being a prisoner of being told what to do, to someone who runs his shit. Whereas in the movie, they made some weird ass loom of fate (chalk of fate in Day Watch anyone?) that ended up controlling this motherfucker anyway. So basically the moral went from “Wake the fuck up, stop getting told what to do, and fucking do something with your life” to “If you are forced to become a supervillian and tell the people that boss you around to eat a dick, you can get Morgan Freeman and a fucking TEXTILE MILL to boss you around instead” which don’t get me wrong, thats a fuckin solid trade. I mean I love Shaft. Or was that Samuel L Jackson? Sorry I cant tell, all black people look the same. Just Kidding. Thats asians. And when the fuck was the Spinning Jenny connected to the fucking powers that be? Indiana Jones didn’t go to Ohio to the temple of cotton to get a fucking sewing machine. He got cool shit! ….like a box. And a rock. And a cup. Whatever you know what I mean
Redeeming Factors: aside from loosing its sense of humor and going wayyy to serious… the movie FUCKING ROCKED. It had sweet action, James Macavoy fucking killed the acting, he did amazing, and even Timur was able to lube up my ears before he force fucked my head with blatant special effects, which was a lot better than the sand he poured on his cock before shoving it into my eye sockets with the effects fest of Night Watch. Oh, and Angelina Jolie’s ass. That was fucking awesome. I would let a chrome plated midget pour sulphuric acid on my balls to see what was beneath that towel. And though they fucked the ending a little. The Closing line was probably one of the greatest in history. I’m goona make a post on that shit. Basically what I am saying is that the Comic is fucking unreal, the movie was solid, and if your girlfriend asks you to see Sex and the City instead of this shit, take up knitting and see Morgan Freeman and he will get some rapper to kill her. Just like in real life.
Until Next Time, I Remain…. WANTED!!!!!