Title: Wall-E
Info: IMDB
Why It Sucked: I’m tired of every fucking kids movie being the same damn formula.
1. Make some things that don’t talk, talk and give them celebrity voices
2. Have your main male character get separated from his friends and home
3. Have him go on some adventure to find his way home
4. Have him meet up with a bunch of unlikely friends and realize that though they look different, they are still all good
5. find your way home after going through some personal growth
6. add undertones of societal revolution and sexual innuendos so parents think that “it isn’t just for kids!”
7. Have the person in authority who frowned upon the main characters differences realize that its ok that they are a faggot
8. go to box office, cash in 1.8 trillion dollars, and instead of ending world hunger, buy a solid gold mansion and fill a pool with money, hookers, caviar, and champagne.
-repeat-
What pisses me off is that the Director of the film said “This is probably the best written, most original story i have ever been involved with.” Guess what? HE WROTE THE FUCKING MOVIE! Christ, I wonder how much yoga he did to learn to bed over so far as to suck his own dick. The moral of the story is something I liked, it basically shows Best Buy and Walmart taking over and everyone getting face fucked buy garbage and industrialism. But they send this message out while marketing 50 different Wall-E Toys, Backpacks, Cups, Shoes, Condoms and Anal Lubes. So, sweet, they have a message, but do they follow it? Fuck “An Inconvenient Truth” donated money to research and made environmentally friendly, biodegradable DVDs. What will Wall-E do?
And another thing: There is a difference between paying an homage, and ripping something off. IE. taking the exact design of the robot from Short Circuit and then infusing it with ET and pretending its original. Don’t get me wrong, the design choices were really thought out and well done, but every time I looked at Wall-E I saw something else. I didn’t feel the way I did in Toy Story, where Buzz Lightyear is Buzz Lightyear, or in Monsters Inc. where Sal was Sal. Oh and the sound editing in this movie? Went from awesome to TERRIBLE. I couldn't listen to “Mo” and his razor buzz or the obvious recycled sounds from Star Wars (the same guy did the sound editing) I think I kinda lost the flow of this article in this paragraph. Whatever, I’m a blogger, eat a dick.
Redeeming Factors: Despite all this bullshit, it was a good movie. They threw in some dumb plot elements, but for the first half of the film where they showed that old style romance without words was really well done. I can’t help but love that fucking robot cause he is so damn cute. So see the movie, but it is what it is. Though I ragged on it a lot about its formula, not everything original is awesome, and not everything copied sucks. Write that down.
Until Next I Remain…. Achill-E