VMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAA’s OH EIGHT! Oh my it was mediocre, but damn, closet dyke Katy Perry is lookin mighty fine! I am super stoaked for Britney (who opened the show), she looks fucking spectacular and sane. Even better was the cameo by Jonah Hill (watch 40 yr Old Virgin again and look at him, dude has lost an entire Paris Hilton).
Russel Brand (the pop star from Forgetting Sarah Marshall) is hosting the VMA’s and he is fucking hilarious in a British sort of way. The audience didn’t really seem to get it, but I thought he was super entertaining.
Best Female Video
Britney Spears takes it for Piece of Me. Fucking ace.
Best Male Video
Jamie Foxx presented for best male video in a very… very unfunny way. Chris Brown took it for his video for With You. Which begs the question: How the fuck did Chris Brown win the moon man? I mean it was my favorite song of the bunch, but it sure as hell wasn’t the best video.
Best Dance video
Best Dance video was presented by still hot superslut Lindsey Lohan and Ciara. For some reason Madonna was nominated… which makes as much sense as trusting Rosie O’Donnel with a pack of hot dogs. The Pussycat whores took it, which makes sense since only one of them sings, so the rest have one fucking job. And if they failed? They were goona feed one of them to Jordan Sparks.
Best Rock Video
LaBeouf and Slash gave out the award for Best Rock Video which went to Linkin Park for Shadow of the Day.
Best Hip-Hop Video
Slipknot (Whose new album kicks ass) came out to present best Hip-Hop Video. Except someone not in the group came out with them in a mask, who was it? A DRUNK FOGLE!!!! I love Christopher Mintz-Plasse I can’t wait to see him in Mark Millar’s “Kick Ass”. Lil Wayne took it home for Lollipop.
Best New Artist
Chase Crawford (Gossip girl) and the Hills golden girl LC (they should have beautiful babies) presented the award for Best New Artist (the user voted one). Tokyo Hotel somehow took it, even against Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and that WHORE Jordan the Hutt. The transexual anime character with an indistinguishable accent accepted the award for the band and pissed off his label and managment by just saying thank you to the fans. YOU GO GIRL! or guy. whatever.
Best Pop Video
When Paris came out to present (the slut, not the country), Fogel was nodding his head cooly hahaha it was awesome. Britney scores a SECOND one! WTF MATE!?
Best Video of the Year
KOBE!!!! He comes out to give out the award for BEST VIDEO OF THE YEAR! Looking like a fucking baller… wait… I get it now. THE NOMINEES ARE!!!!
- Britney Spears- Piece of Me
- Jonas Brothers- Burning Up
- Chris Brown- Forever
- PCD- When I Grow Up
- The Ting Tings- Shut Up and Let Me Go
Winner?….. BRITNEY FUCKING SPEARS!!!! Clean sweep darlin! Grood work. 3 for 3!
The show closer I had no fucking idea was coming. It killed me. Kanye debuted a brand new song not on his album (which has that europop vibe) which was fucking awesome. I dig it when he sings, he has a good voice (as we saw in Hey MaMa) and the song was really different from what he has done before. FUCKING AWESOME!!! YOU KNOW THE DRILL! UNTIL NEXT TIMMMMMMMMME I REMAIN…Achilles
