Oh hark on me! Though my heart stays true to you oh Lord, it seems the Devil has come into me and tempted me into his darkness. Turns out that things I liked, like Avatar, Harry Potter, DnD, all of them are actually tools the devil uses to seduce us into darkness. Seriously though I’m not joking there are people who actually believe that James Cameron is the instrument of Satan. Just watch.
Harry Potter
A delightful tale of a teen wizard that hits it’s high in the fourth book then kinda peeters out? WORKS OF THE DEVIL! My favorite line in the video below is “…Defense against the Arts teacher when he’s sucking the unicorn.” So not only does Harry Potter lure Christian children into Wicca, but it also teaches them to hate art! BLASPHEMY!
Avatar
When I saw half naked giant blue people, I immediately thought: this is the work of the devil. And only could a messenger of pure evil ever make something like Titanic. Despite those who think that James Cameron is the second coming, this Pastor thinks otherwise.. The most evil demonic movie he has ever seen? Apparently this guy has never seen Mighty Ducks 3. And Plants are living things jackass. I like how Spartacus, the most bloody pornographic show I have ever seen is ok, But blue people braiding each others hair is evil. And Eastern Garbage? JERUSALUM IS IN THE MIDDLE EAST RETARD. Oh and saying that you have a place in the world and that the world should be connected? Yeah Jesus would HATE that. Asshole.
Dungeons and Dragons
I know. As a kid this game helped me tap into my creative side, learn story telling, develop social skills, and apparently worship the devil. According to this, sitting in your basement every Wednesday night with some friends drinking Root Beer and eating chicken wings makes you turn your back on God. Seriously if there is anyone that's a good person, its the nerd who stays home with his cat on Friday night, not those people (ie. Me) going out getting drunk and hooking up. (if the video doesn’t work, watch it HERE)
Gays
Ok so maybe not ALL gays. But hey, despite my small town sensibilities to hate people who are different, I met a gay who changed my whole viewpoint. I won’t out him on here (but if you met the guy it’s so fucking obvious) but the guy, lets call him… Ca..ruh…ll…. Jim. Lets call him Jim. Well Jim was the coolest fucking guy in the world, and he totally changed my view. He was so cool infact, that I didn’t even notice his horns and pitchfork. I hope everyone gets to meet their very own Ca…Jim.
Evolution
I love dinosaurs, they are AWESOME, and although creationists don’t deny that they existed, they say that man and dinosaurs existed together. Which means the Flintstones are real. Which makes me sad because I want to have a pet… Pachycephalosaurus. But no, evolution is a trick that the Devil has played on us so we… watch Avatar or something.
All in all, be wary my fellow Christians, the Devil is out there, and he may reach out to us in the most peculiar of ways. Remember to always be close minded, and the next time James Cameron releases a movie, go watch Spartacus: Blood and Sand instead. That’s a real Christian show. Also Lucy Lawless’s tits.
Until Next Time I Remain… Achilles