Stupid Animals Vol.2 – Pigheaded Capybaras

I love animals. A lot. Not like in a weird sexual way, but in a more of a companion way. Snakes, Birds, Dogs, it doesn’t really matter what they are, I love all animals. Well not all animals… Some I hate. Here are some of the animals that are stupid jerks.

   Worlds. Largest. Rodent. Do I really need to go on? Imagine a Guinea Pig (Ohhh they are next just you wait) the size of a Great Dane. They can even weigh up to 232 pounds. TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY TWO POUNDS. That’s not even a guinea pig. That’s a guinea bear! Here is why those Easter Island Head, barrel bodied giant rats are jerks.

 Fuckin Gingers: Not a ton of animals can we group into the classification we give to the genetic mutagenic freaks in our Genus. Capybaras win the drag queen award for the gayest hair style in the animal kingdom with red hair with frosted blonde tips. Like all Gingers they actually sunburn! Great idea living in South America. Stupid rat fuck. 

The Reason Matt Stone and Trey Parker Are So Startled- In season 12 of South Park, creators Matt and Trey made a two part episode where they detailed a ‘startling’ attack on South Park by a variety of giant guinea pigs. We all know where they got that idea from.

Eat Shit You Stupid Rats: Capybaras are coprophagous, meaning they eat their own shit. Which is about as gross as the fact that they regurgitate food to masticate the food again.

Fish in disguise?- Here is where it gets really fucked up. And this is TRUE! Not only do they have webbed feet, sometimes sleep in water, and have 20 teeth (like a trout) BUT!!!!! During Lent the capybara is classified AS A FISH, by the Catholic church. So during lent you can ACTUALLY EAT A CAPYBARA! See! Even God wants them dead.

Look into his eyes and know your enemy.

Until Next Time I Remain… Raven Haired