Ok so as I prep some stuff to ROFL it up onstage, I came across a thread in the jokes. So I said, Fuck it, this is going on the site. There are rights and rituals to become a white person that I will one day do in a hope of being socially accepted:
1. You must make love to your cousin. Because lets be real: everyone has that one hot cousin. Unless you are black.
2. You have to refer to KD as an actual DINNER. And believe that it actually is.
3. You have to think "exotic cuisine" is chicken fried rice and ginger beef
4. You have to have redundant decorative ornaments of animals or flowers in your house, and possibly a bowl of potpourri.
5.you refer to your grandparents as Granny and Poppy, or some other equally gay nickname.
6. You are named Will, Chris, James, John, Mike or some other anglosaxton name. For girls, Jennifer, Steph, Mary, Margaret, Elizabeth, etc.
7. You are scared of black and Arab people, when you really should be scared of Vietnamese and Korean people. And I use the term people loosely.
8. You want to take a year off to “travel” because you don't have you're own culture you have to leech off others. I’m lookin at you, all you fags with Japanese kanji tattooed on your arms. Fags.
9. You believe in stuff. For some reason the white race still believes in government, or religion, or protesting human rights, or all of the above. Something about conquering all nations of the world so you could have spices and slaves makes you a hopeful bunch. You protest, you vote, you preach thinking you can make a difference. Silly silly white people.
10. Themed parties: togas, ugly sweaters, mustache, I have been to all of these in the past year. You love that shit. They are gay, and you are stupid. I’m goona throw a themed party. The theme? Get drunk. Or party. Fuck it, I’m adventurous, lets do both.
11. You are never one thing. You are always: Irish, German, French, Ukrainian, etc. for some reason your grandparents needed to cross state lines to fuck. Shoulda done what the Asians did and keep it all in the family. That's why they all look the same.
12. You like Michael Bay movies. You know its true. And I hate you for it.
Until Next Time, I Remain… Achilles