ABC is taking a page outta fox’s play book for their new expose: Teens: Oral Sex and Casual Prostitution No Biggie
They over hype sex in a ridiculous way to SCARE parents into locking their kids up. They say nowadays “Oral Sex has become the new goodnight kiss.” They say that teens today have an “Extreme sexual lifestyle.” Here is some shocking facts that ABC should take a look at:
1. SLUTS HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR LIKE… EVER
ABC goes on to say that 54% of teenage girls (14-19) have engaged in ORAL sex. Well here is a nifty statistic that may shock some readers. 65% of girls in the same age have had unprotected sex with multiple partners! Even more fun? That statistic is taken from 1973 high school students (so they didn’t even include all the ultra hobag hippys that dropped out to get stoned and fuck full time). Which leads me to point 2.
2. Parents that grew up in the 60’s and 70’s were in a far more sexually explicit time than now.
I would rather a girl blow a dude than share needles. And if you actually listen to what the girls are saying, they are talking about doing things with someone that THEY ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH. I don’t care if you were born in 500 BC or now, a 16 year old boy with a hawt girlfriend is goona beg for sex. All the time.
3. The “good girls” from well respected families are the biggest freaks in bed.
Believe me. I know.
Daddies little princess was always my little whore. If you look at the girls she’s interviewing, they fall in to 2 distinct categories. 1. Slutty stupid barbies (my favorite!) and 2. Weird crack-head trolls. Those social stereotypes have been blowing guys for fun or coke since they dropped a nuke on Hiroshima.
In closing, they are trying to blur the line on the facts. Teen pregnancy is down. The spread of STDs with teenagers is down. Teen sex IS DOWN (I know its depressing). Using oral sex or “sexting” or other ways of erotica to avoid having sex before you are ready is a GOOD thing. I mean, sure at 14 I was stoaked to get laid, but really? I woulda settled for a 2nd base.
But alas, I think more young adults are giving it up too early, that’s why I am working on my very own abstinence program. Above you can see a picture of me working very hard to never get laid again. Here are some sure fire ways to stay abstinent:
- Play a LOT of X-Box
- Attend Anime Conventions (pictured above)
- Wear T-shirts only nerds would understand
- Discuss comic books at length with your friends
And If that doesn’t stop you from getting laid… I don’t know what will.